So today I went for my first job interview in over 5 years and more importantly, since I was diagnosed. I know that I can do this job; my resume and selection criteria prove I can do this job and that I can do it well. The interview was going well, not perfect, but I sounded confident in my responses, and the panel seemed receptive to me. Then came the question I hoped they wouldn’t ask: “do you have any illnesses, injuries or medical conditions that could stop you carrying out your duties?” So I had to tell them about my diagnosis, my treatment and how I’ve had this all my life, but it was not diagnosed and therefore not treated until last year. I explained that despite this I have been successful in my jobs and in my life. However, I know that this question was the end of any chance I had of securing the job. Of course, they won’t say that’s the reason, but honestly who would want a person with bipolar working for them? I hate this diagnosis, I hate having to share this information when I’m not ready to share it, I just hate it so much!!!! Why should I bother applying for more jobs if this diagnosis will stop any chance I have of getting one? I hate, hate, hate this. It is so fucked up and this is now my life.
All I want to do is to go to bed, bury myself under my doona and cry a million tears. Instead I must put on my mask and go about my evening with my family like nothing is wrong even though I can already feel myself starting to sink into the black hole.